3 AM Thoughts
I have felt so numb lately. I feel lonely. I feel like a burden. I feel unsupported. No one really seems to understand me. I feel as if I am saying words yet they do not register with the ones who hear them.
On top of this, outside of my own inner struggles, the world around me has become quite numb. I feel desensitized to political issues, to the media, to the racist politicians. I feel like a creature that merely breathes, drinks water, eats food, and does the same few tasks on a daily rotation.
I am tired of living in this hamster wheel we call LIFE but I understand the alternative reality is more grim. Despite being trapped on a never ending hamster wheel of mundane day-to-day tasks, my emotional well-being feels more like its trapped in the hamster cage, jumping wall to wall and never escaping the confines of the 4X4 pen.
Every night is when this all hits me. "If we weren't in quarantine, maybe my life would be like this." Or, "Maybe if we weren't in quarantine, this person would care about me or this boy would love me..." And it just plays over and over and over again in my head.
I tell my best friend probably every day, "I am losing it woman. Like for real I am going crazy."
She always assures me that we are all feeling this way and the way I feel internally is probably felt by many yet suppressed due to fear of stigma, or judgement, or insecurity.
Maybe I don't know how others are feeling, but I do know we all are in some shape or form struggling with our mental health.
NEVERTHELESS, while we are trapped inside our homes and unable to see friends, significant others, and family members, there is still something we can do to make the time pass on these hamster wheels.
We can work diligently on ourselves.Sure we can't travel to new and exotic places or spend a day at the beach. Maybe we can't catch up with a friend in a coffee shop or read a relaxing pleasant book in a hammock. (Random, I know but these are things I want to do RIGHT NOW as I write this at 3:45 AM).
We. Need. To. Work. On. Ourselves.
So I will go first. Here are 10 things I vow to do to the best of my ability.
Sam Ross's action items:
I promise to learn to love myself.
I promise to learn to appreciate myself.
I desperately desire self confidence.
I want to realize my potential and learn what I am capable of achieving.
I want to discover my self worth.
I promise to identify strong friendships and relationships I need in my life.
I promise to eliminate the ones holding me back.
I will not step on the scale and I will value every day not by the pounds I hold but rather by the memories I will gain.
I promise to advocate for myself and not allow people to demean me.
I will try my best to learn what feeling comfortable in my own skin and mine is like.
Moody Girls, I am freaking tired. SO TIRED OF THIS BULL SH*T. I'm also tired because it's now 4 am. But sadly, these racing thoughts do not allow me to sleep at night. The more I push them away, the harder it is for my mind to be at ease.
What's your 10 action items? Please share them with me on Instagram @moodygirlworld and I will post your 10 action items. (Let me know if you want it anonymous). Let's show the world that we aren't afraid to admit we aren't perfect. Let's show the world that we are capable of change. We don't fear it, we embrace it. It starts with us. Who else if not us?
Good night (I hope)
Love,
Moody & Tired Girl