SUICIDE IS NOT THE ANSWER
"I tried to kill my self my senior year of high school. It was in the fall of 2019, November 9. I remember just overworking myself, having issues with my mom, and withdrawing from everything. I had constant pressure to be perfect all the time. It got to the point were I was scared to even walk incorrectly. I’ve always had issues, suffering from anorexia for 7 years and constantly self harming on and off but never have I reached a point were my mind and soul was numb. I was so scared because I wasn’t even sad anymore I became numb. Every time I tried to confine in someone they would tell me I’d be okay but I didn’t believe anyone. If I’d be okay then why couldn’t I feel? Why am I so damaged? After trying many things to feel such as self harming and even having a eating disorder; in my 5th period class I made the decision to commit suicide. It was someone I thought of and planned for weeks. The day before my attempt I felt like maybe I could give it another chance, maybe ending it was a mistake? I went to my high school councilor in the attempt to give life one more chance and told her I wanted to kill myself only to be sent away back to my calc class being told if I wasn’t there I’d continue doing poorly in the class. The next day, I tried to bang myself. I felt hopeless, lost, I hated myself, and felt like everyone and everything would be better off without me. I knew I had to have a way out, I swallowed a handful of pills and was ready to end it all when my best friend saved me, as well as some other classmates. Failing at killing myself was the hardest thing I went through, recovering was so hard. Choosing to give life another chance when you didn’t want to was the hardest decision of my life. But boy was it worth it. Because of the people who loved me, and me choosing to try again and take the time to mentally heal. I fully learned that not being okay is fully acceptable and part of life. I’m graduated now, a published author and committed to BYU and moving in with my now boyfriend (who was my best friend who saved me) and starting a life of my own. I’m so glad life chose to give me another chance, ending your life isn’t the answer. I promise. I’m so glad to be here now, and now I know that it’s always okay in the end."
TO LOOK LIKE A BARBIE DOLL
"I’ve always struggled with body image growing up! I remember being 12 and always researching how to lose weight and be as skinny as the girls around me- and I was never even a heavy kid! I was just friends with girls that were born tiny and I constantly wondered why I couldn’t look like them naturally. As the years progressed, it only got worse! I lost quite a bit of weight over the last year, and was so happy! However- I never realized the unhealthy habits in how I did so. I became obsessed with counting calories, macros, you name it. I stopped eating almost every type of carb such as bread, pasta, etc. I restricted myself from any unnatural sugars, and was constantly logging and tracking what I ate and when. I would “fastâ€, which led me into eventually starving myself of meals that my body needed for how much I was exercising. I fell down into a deep and unhealthy spiral and didn’t know how to pull myself out! I expressed my problems to my mom, who has helped me recover and eat properly. To this day I still struggle with not obsessing over how many calories or macros is in any food I consume- and I have to remind myself that starving my body won’t make me feel any better! It’s hard for me to not feel good about myself if I don’t skip at least one meal a day, and I’ve really had to turn to my family for support and help sometimes! Music has been a huuuuge coping mechanism for me when it comes to body image as well. Makes me feel on top of the world and feel all of the self love!!! Eating disorders are a very sensitive topic for me but I just want anyone and everyone to know how important it is to love your body and accept it! I’m not supposed to look like a Barbie doll. And I’m not here to only be concerned about my body! There is so much more to life."