Ending Toxic Friendships

Something you learn in life is that not everyone changes with you. 

As you grow up, you find new happiness and learn what defines you. Unfortunately, as you make changes for the better, this sometimes means letting going of friendships that no longer fit your expectations. This is completely normal and OKAY.

 There are friends that last forever and there are friends that don’t. College is a truly testing time for some of these friendships. 

I just finished my junior year and went through a realization that I had to distance myself from two people I considered to be my best friends since the first year of college. We some of the most amazing times, but there were many difficult and uncomfortable times too.

 During the bulk of our friendship I was not doing well mentally which led me to lean on them quite often. They helped me through a lot as did I to them, for they had various mental health struggles as well. 

As time went on, I became healthier and happier both mentally and physically. From the work I did on myself, I reflected on my friendship with two people who I will call "Michelle and Alex". 

I will always love them, but I truly believe distance is necessary for us to grow. My friendship with Michelle and Alex became too toxic. There were countless instances in which I felt there was major dependence on me and it was a responsibility that I felt uncomfortable bearing. I am well aware that I also used to be this way when I was very mentally unwell. However, as I have become healthy, happy, and fully matured, I now know I cannot depend on anyone for my own sense of self.

 The friendship with Michelle and Alex steadily reached an unhealthy level and continued to worsen as I became healthier. This made it difficult to maintain my wellbeing and made me feel trapped. I found myself feeling the need to lie about the littlest of things (including my whereabout and plans on weekend nights) just to do the things that made me happier without hurting their feelings. 

The thing is you should NEVER feel the need to lie to your friends in order to do the things that you enjoy most. Lying is toxic and will only worsen relationships. When I finally ended my friendship with Michelle and Alex, I realized confronting your issues head on instead of navigating around them brings you the most amount of happiness. 

I  conquer all challenges no matter how hard it may be and how low long it may take. This was not the mentality of Alex and Michelle.  This difference in dealing with problems was one I could not compromise any longer. The negative aspects of the friendships quickly outshined the positive aspects once I evolved into the best and brightest version of myself. I was in a place where I gained the strength to make a tough decision that would be extremely painful at first, but better for everyone in the long run. 

We must remind ourselves that our happiness comes first and that love and past experiences are not enough to hold relationships together. That is OKAY. I will always love these people and be forever grateful for the many wonderful times we had.

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-- Jillian Wolons, @jillianwolons